Armageddon 101
by Shay McSudonim
Summary: Raise your hand if you feel personally victimized by the Noblesse Epilogue. Yeah, me too. Anyway, here's a slice-of-life/future fic that I wrote to try and make sense of things. Features Tao, a couple OC's, and a whole lotta dialogue.


Of all the classes offered at YeRan University, the most useless was undoubtedly 'Armageddon 101.' Unlike other similarly eclectic courses such as 'Ethnomusicology 553' or 'Taxonomy of Dinosauria 301,' no major required it, and few accepted it even as a history credit. Nonetheless, each semester there was a waiting list for students eager to learn about the history of the apocalypse and stories thereof, from the Judeo-Christian flood myths to the Robot Uprising stories of science fiction. This high demand had persisted, ever since three years after the course's introduction, when word had first begun to spread of its existence.

Of course, the reason for this popularity was due almost solely to the magnetic personality of its professor. On 'GradeMyProfessor' dot com, Professor Tao Enelengy ranked consistently within the university's top five in terms of likability, and usually 'hotness' as well.

In short, Armageddon 101 was a blowoff class. The midterms were easy; the final was a joke; and the homework was laughably simple. Thus, the class became a refuge for emotionally-drained science majors struggling through weed-out classes, for papers-swamped humanities majors racing against deadlines, and for munchkin-minded students trying to bolster their GPAs with easy electives.

And it certainly didn't hurt that Professor Enelengy seemed to spend most of his office hours helping his students—or any students, really—with unrelated course work: coding sessions for Computer Science Majors, Calculus homework help for students working on math pre-reqs, and so on.

Tonight was the optional review session for the final exam three days hence. Most of the people who'd shown up were actually cramming for the back-to-back O. Chem and Diff. E.Q. finals scheduled for the following day.

The last few hours had been spent in something of a fugue state, with Tao and Petra Loyard—this semester's TA—both running triage and offering encouragement as best they could.

Of the twelve students there to study for the double-finals, four had decided to focus mainly on Differential Equations, even if that meant a higher chance of having to re-take Organic Chemistry. Five were doing the opposite, not willing to retake O-Chem, but seeing another semester of Diff Eq as an acceptable sacrifice. Two were still holding out hope that they could definitely pass both subjects.

And one seemed to have given up completely.

Reese Seranos was a Chemical Engineering major who had reached the point of finals week where the mind became unmoored from reality. He had walked into the review session, grabbed a disc from the classroom's library, then sat back in a corner with his headphones on, watching a film on his laptop with strange intensity.

After a little more than an hour, he'd yanked the headphones out, and the strains of Vera Lynn's "We'll Meet Again" filled the classroom.

"You doing alright, Seranos?" asked Tao, approaching his student, cautiously, as though worried that sudden movements might send him into a negative spiral.

"It just seems weird," Reese said. "That people were so afraid of nuclear holocaust, when it was never even a possibility. I mean, I remember that nobody knew about Nobles or Werewolves, way back when, but still…"

"True," said Petra, who had come over to check on the situation as well, "...but even we Nobles were wary of nuclear weapons for a time."

Reese snapped out of his funk. "What? But nukes are barely more effective than bullets against you guys! And the Noblesse eats them!"

"But nobody knew that, 'way back when,'" said Tao, his normally cheerful expression turning somber. "Nobles and werewolves discovered their immunity to nuclear explosives when they placed themselves between atomic bombs and their target cities. I know it was five hundred years ago, but still, it seems like they would teach this kind of thing in schools. Please, tell me this isn't the only history class you're taking, Seranos..."

Reese shrugged. "I took two credits as required, but one was an anthro class on the evolution of the human species, and the other was on the Incan Empire. Science majors don't require all that much general knowledge."

"So when did the Noblesse discover that he could 'eat nukes'?" asked Corona, another student who had wandered over to the corner to join them. She was a Senior Anthropology Major, in her last semester before graduation, who was actually there to study for the Armageddon final.

"Same time as the other Nobles," said Tao. "There were two groups facing two separate missiles. The first consisted of Lord Raskreia, Rozaria Elanor, and Kei Ru. The second was Muzaka, Lord of the Werewolves," here, Tao nodded to Corona, "…and Cadis Etrama di Raizel, the Noblesse."

"The Noblesse," began Reese, "he's the most powerful being on the planet, right?"

"More powerful than the Lord of the Nobles and the Lord of the Werewolves combined," agreed Petra.

"So, why does nobody seem worried about that?" asked Reese. "What if one day, he just decides, 'you know what? I really hate Denmark,' and then, boom, an entire country, just _gone."_

Corona snickered. "Well, that _would_ be pretty terrifying, I'll grant you," she said. "But the Noblesse is Lord Muzaka's best friend. We trust him."

Petra shook her head. "Raizel-nim would not do that. If he were that kind of person, then he would not be the Noblesse."

Reese shrugged. "It just, it seems like you can't be trusted with power, if you have no idea at all what it's like to be powerless."

Tao hesitated. He was well-aware that Seranos was most likely waxing philosophical to combat the existential dread of staring down the barrel of two tests that he was woefully unprepared to face, and probably wasn't _actually_ expecting to get an answer. But, then again, the information he was asking after _was_ public knowledge, it just wasn't _common_ knowledge.

Additionally, Petra Loyard and Corona's answers had both verged on dogmatic. And, if there was one thing that the Werewolves and Nobles needed less of, it was blind loyalty.

Not when actual loyalty was on the table, at least.

"Well," said Tao, "If you wanted to know about the Noblesse, then you're in luck. You're looking at the founding member of RK, the Knights of the Noblesse!"

Reese frowned. "You… wait, you _work_ for that guy?"

"No, not really," said Tao. "These days, it's a ceremonial position. But, back in the day, I formed RK for one reason and one reason alone: to protect the Noblesse."

Reese was skeptical. "The most powerful being on the planet."

"Have you ever played roleplaying games, Seranos?" asked Petra.

"No, but I'm familiar with them," Reese answered.

"Well," said Petra, "does it mean anything to you if I tell you that the Noblesse's powers are fueled by his own lifespan?"

"Huh," said Reese. "Well, that's one hell of a power-limiter. Kind of broken, though, if he can recharge his life with nukes."

"The Noblesse has existed since before the ascension of the Previous Lord, several thousand years ago" said Petra. "Nuclear weapons were invented less than a millennium ago."

"Speaking of nuclear weapons," said Corona, "are you saying that the Noblesse was the Noble equivalent of Nuclear Codes George?"

Tao blinked. That was a curve ball he hadn't been expecting "Nuclear codes _who?"_

"Well, I don't think he ever actually existed," Corona admitted, "but in 1981 this human, Roger Fisher, advocated for nuclear launch codes to be surgically-implanted into the heart of a volunteer, who would then act as an assistant for the United States President, ensuring that if nukes were ever launched, it would first require the death of an innocent person that the President knew and cared about."

Petra shook her head. "The position of Noblesse predates the position of Lord," she informed them. "Though, in practice, that may have been how their relationship functioned. The Previous and Current Lord have both devoted significant resources to ensuring that the Noblesse has little cause to use his powers."

Here, she paused.

"…because, if nothing else," Petra continued, "the Noblesse having cause to use his powers is rarely a quiet event. For eons, we did not record history; we saw no point. The first recorded even in our history occurred when the Noblesse caught wind that Nobles were exploiting humans in contract with them. Unprompted by anyone else, without warning or mercy, he killed every last one of them. After that, Nobles were careful not to leave evidence of wrong-doing where the Noblesse might find it."

Reese looked up in interest. "Wait, why did he care about humans?"

"He never spoke on the matter," said Petra, "but, given his actions, he did not need to. Less than a century later, he secluded himself in the forbidden lands, and his existence was made a secret to all but the Clan Leaders. There he remained, until just over thirteen hundred years ago, when a group of traitorous Clan Leaders tried to have him assassinated, by exploiting the only weakness the Noblesse had ever displayed: his desire to preserve humanity."

"To accomplish this," said Corona, "They had Lord Muzaka's daughter assassinated, and told him it was humans who did it. To be fair, it _was_ a joint effort between humans, Werewolves, and Nobles, but Lord Muzaka flew into a rage at the news. He decided to destroy every last human on the planet."

"The Noblesse stepped in to stop him," said Petra. "In doing so, he used up more of his power, his life, than he could possibly afford. After stopping Muzaka, he fell into hibernation for eight hundred and twenty years, and was still mortally wounded upon waking."

"I was part of his household after he woke up," said Tao, quietly. "And he just. Would not. Stop. Helping people. There was a secret society known as, 'The Union,' at the time, who controlled most of Earth's governments from the shadows. Raizel-nim didn't attack them, just drew a line in the sand, and let them break themselves against it. Things escalated until attack satellites and nukes were involved. By the time the missiles were launched, he was running on the very last of his life force, but he went anyway, to do what he could to help."

"…and then found out that nuclear fisson was exactly what he needed to recharge his batteries," finished Reese. "Incidentally, how does that work?"

Corona shrugged. "Nobles are less than concerned with biology, and they've never been interested in our studies on the subject."

"I don't know about your 'biology,' but energy transfer among Nobles is governed by two things:" said Petra. "intensity and intent."

Tao nodded. "Lord Raskreia used half her soul weapon to replenish some of the Noblesse's lifespan. This worked because of the intent of her father, the previous Lord, and also because of her own intention to help."

"When Muzaka came down from his homicidal rage, he was able to transfer most of his power to Raizel, under guise of a 'round two,'" added Corona. "This worked because of Muzaka's good intentions."

"And when Raizel-nim went off to stop a nuclear missile, the intensity of the power involved was immense," said Petra. "But there was no intention whatsoever behind it. A blow from a soul-weapon is personal, even an energy beam has intent behind it, but a nuclear warhead is a glorified bullet. A bullet has no direct transfer of intention from wielder to target, and Raizel-nim's soul was already accustomed to using energy to replenish itself."

"Huh," said Reese. "So, did the Noblesse's intentions matter, too?"

"What?" said Petra.

"I mean," said Reese, "It seems like the other instances were staged as fights? And the good intentions only revealed later? Whereas, _this_ was a guy going off to face the apocalypse to save people in particular, not people in the abstract. And there have definitely been studies showing that people get more nutrients out of food if they enjoy it. Take two servings of the same meal, run one of them through a blender until it's a paste, then feed both of them to two people. The person eating the paste gets quantifiably fewer nutrients out of their food… assuming, of course, that the second person does not _enjoy_ eating paste. Like, you said you were part of his household, Professor, whereas the first time he went to save humanity he was living alone and rejected by everyone? Seems like the reason that he gets to live forever is because he finally found something he would gladly die for."

With that, Seranos finally seemed to come back to himself. He blinked, looked up at the clock and groaned. "Why the hell did I waste two hours doing this shit?"

He turned to them. "Thanks," he said. "For humoring me. Gotta actually start studying if I wanna pass anything, though."

He got up and wandered over to one of the study groups.

That left Tao, Petra, and Corona.

"Professor," said Corona, "will we need to know any of that for the final?"

Tao rubbed his chin."Well, it doesn't hurt to brush up on Nuclear Apocalypse media. Tom Lehrer's songs on the subject are worth a listen. And of course, if you want to go above and beyond, a number of video games speculate not only on a nuclear apocalypse, but on picking up the pieces afterward. Hang on, I think we have a few available in the library..."

With that, the three of them headed back to the middle of the room. Regardless of what stressors or tests his students had in their lives, Tao had every confidence that they would survive. They were a good group of kids. And, after all, it wasn't as though it was the end of the world.

* * *

AN: This one shot is based on several of my own college experiences, such as the time I had two challenging finals back-to-back and then proceeded to astral-project out of my own body in despair. Also the time about a dozen of us in the p-chem computer lab had to deal with one of our dudebro classmates experiencing an altered state of consciousness (possibly drugs, possibly sleep-deprivation, possibly existential despair?). He just kept saying things like, "Can you ever really understand Good if you've never been Evil?" and other such philosophical sentiments. The TA walked in, midway through, and the expression on his face was priceless.


End file.
